To protect roommate privacy and study time, Tufts University recently added a new policy that prohibits students from having sex while their roommate is in the room. The policy also prohibits students from exiling their roommate from the room so they can commit the act- “sexiling,” they call it. While this policy will be a tough one to enforce, I say good for Tufts.

In fact, while they’re at it, I can think of a few other acts from which students should be prohibited while their roommate is in the room. Based on firsthand experience, here is my list of 5 things roommates shouldn’t do while their roommates are present:

  1. Number 1 or 2 – One of my roommates used to use the crapper and leave the door wide open for the rest of us to hear and smell every single product of his bowels. In a small apartment, this gives you pretty much a front-row seat to what should be a one-man act. The fact that the dining area was only ten feet away elevates this offense from inconsiderate to evil.
  2. Play the drums – Many instruments can be played while one is studying: the piano, the guitar, and even the violin. But the drums are not a part of this group. By their very nature, drums are jolting, shattering the concentration of anyone within a 20-yard radius, even through walls and ceilings.Drums sound great in the club, on the radio, and on my playlist- not in my study space.
  3. Listen to Marilyn Manson – The last thing you want when you’re trying to learn advanced electrobiology is that freak-zombie-woman-thing hurling all over his mic, polluting the very air you breathe. Tip: keep it on the headphones. In this case, sharing is not caring.
  4. Go natural – No matter what you think of your figure or how much you enjoy that light, airy feeling, the rest of us don’t want to see it. I used to have a roommate who used to come in from the shower while I was doing my morning ab workout and whip off his towel. The image is still seared into my memory and haunts my dreams.
  5. Eat kimchee – Don’t get me wrong. I think Korean food is the best cuisine on the planet. But keep that jar of fermented cabbage sealed when I’m around. It may taste fine, but it smells like the morning after a chili dog-eating contest.

These are my gripes. May they be signed into policy to save others from trauma. What roommate behavior do you think should be banned? Are you guilty of any of these offenses? Tell all below.

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