December 11, 2009 | | 1 Comment In college I worked a bunch of jobs that I hated. My number one most hated job was data transcription. People would call in and leave a voice message, and it was my lovely job to transcribe them on an Excel spreadsheet. Even jobs that I thought would be cool, like working in a coffee shop or construction, weren't all they were cracked up to be. However, the jobs I had to do in college are nothing in comparison to how crappy (pun intended) these jobs probably are. Mexico City Sewer Diver– Hate filing reports? Maybe you'd prefer to put on a HAZMAT suit and a diving helmet and head underwater to unclog the sewers of Mexico City. These guys literally swim through miles of trash, excrement, toxic waste, storm runoff rotting animals, vehicles and your occasional murder victim. Still not convinced? If you get one scratch from one of an innumerable host of sharp, submerged objects, you get every disease known to mankind. Yummy. Cattle Castrator- Moving a 2,000 lbs. of angry, bucking, frothing beast into a metal holding cage using a taser is less than fun than it sounds. Trust me. Not fun. Removing the animal's endowment usually coincides with dehorning and branding the skin. Lots of blood, urine and crazed cattle directing their anger at you. If any of this honestly sounds appealing, get a shrink. Not even cattle hands enjoy the job. You probably put a cat in the microwave as a kid. Alaskan Crab Fisher– They've made TV shows about this job. So I don't even have to really illustrate it, just refer to television. But if you somehow think that filing an spreadsheet is somehow less awesome than getting crushed under a 2 ton crab cage during a storm, or having a king crab chop off one of your fingers, then it's time to move to Alaska. The rest of us will put in our 9-5 and use our 10 fingers to use a TV remote. Roadkill Removal– Nothing like scraping embedded carcasses off the ground is gross enough, but add the fact that you're doing in on the open highway. Expect cars not to slow down as you and your flat-nosed shovel scrape rotten, flattened bodies off the asphalt. Sign me up! Port-a-john Cleaner- Same crap, different day takes on a whole new meaning when you're using a pressure washer to hose out the inside of a portable toilet. One word to illustrate the delicate nature of this procedure: Backsplash. That's ruining my day. Yours too probably. They don't make a thick enough rubber suit for me to want to grab a vacuum hose and clean out one of those things. Let's not even discuss what it must be like if one of those gets tipped. If you're still convinced that any of these jobs sound better than whatever it is that you're currently working on, don't move to Mexico or Alaska. Just make sure you choose something that you love to do.